Assassin, Murderer, Monster
by fantasybookworm08
Summary: Nathan comes home from a hard night on the job. Unfortunately his night doesn't get any better from there... One-shot.


**Author's Note: Welp, here's yet another Nathan-centric fic from me. XD I swear, I can't write any Repo stories that aren't about Nathan...He's just a fun character to work with. I think it's the split personality and the guilt. Still not sure if I'm 100% happy with the ending...I may change it at some point, but probably not. Let me know what you think! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Repo or any of the characters!**

* * *

Nathan stumbled through the front door, hand stretched before him blindly, the other pushing the door shut behind him. The house was dark, but he barely registered the difference between the gloom of the hallway and the cool night outside. Twisting the lock on the door out of habit, he made his way into the living room, one hand on the wall, leading him through the dark.

He let himself sink into the chair, though he didn't feel the cushion underneath him, the wood under his hand. His entire body was numb...except for his brain. Images flickered, one right after another, bits and pieces mixing and running together, screams laced throughout the film, blood splashed everywhere, on faces, chests, hands, stomachs, backs, heads, and staring at him in blind raw terror, eyes. Eyes everywhere, eyes on him, eyes accusing him, asking why, pleading, begging, asking for life and kno-

"Daddy?"

Nathan jerked, a cut-off scream emerging from his throat as a ragged gasp as he turned to the small figure in the doorway. A teddy bear dangled from Shilo's fist, dragging on the floor below the hem of her light blue nightgown. Her other hand balled to rub the sleep from her eyes as she moved closer, teddy trailing behind her, guarding her from the darkness following her.

"I heard a noise and got scared...I thought a monster was coming to get me," she told him, a slight whimper in her voice. She hesitated a few feet from the chair, wondering why he hadn't moved, hadn't held a hand out to her in welcome. He was just staring at her...he looked like he didn't recognize her, but he was her daddy, wasn't he? He couldn't forget about her...She was his princess, he always told her so.

"Daddy?" she asked again, her voice more uncertain, a hint of fear in it. He jerked again at the sound of it, his body automatically rising from the chair as he reached for her. Her shoulders relaxed again as she hurried forward into his arms. Her teddy was dropped to the floor, forgotten in the glow of this stronger, more valiant protector. This was the one who chased the darkness away with nightlights, soothed bad dreams with a glass of water and a warm hug, who stayed at her side when she was sick, and fixed her injuries with kisses and bandages. This was her Daddy.

"I'm sorry Shi...I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered hoarsely, holding her fragile form carefully, afraid to break her. "There's no monsters...just me." She pulled back to look up at him, a worried frown still in place across her forehead.

"But there are monsters sometimes...what if one comes in when you're gone?" she asked, clinging to his hand.

"I promise no monsters can get into our house. You know I lock the door every time I leave. No one has the key except me," he reassured her.

"But they're strong...what if they break the door? Or a window?"

"I sprayed the doors and windows with monster repellant," he countered, half-teasing, half-wishing she would drop the "what ifs" for tonight. Shilo crossed her arms and gave him a reproving glare.  
"That's not real. And I don't think it would stop Repo Man...they said nothing stops him," she informed him with all the wisdom of her six years. She didn't hear his heart skip a beat, or see how his brain froze, but she saw his body go perfectly still, felt his hand tense on hers.

"Repo Man? Where on earth did you hear about hi – that?" he asked when he was able to speak again. She hesitated, afraid to anger him further. She had meant to keep that movie a secret. She'd known at the time she probably shouldn't be watching it...and that was reinforced when she awoke from a nightmare of the masked killer chasing her later that night. Her daddy didn't let her watch things that gave her nightmares.

"I...I just heard about it," she stammered, trying to come up with an explanation to satisfy him. His hand's grip on hers began to tighten and his eyes changed...they looked wild and panicked, and they scared her.

"Shilo, _where did you hear about it?_" Nathan demanded, his voice tightly controlled. She looked down at her feet, avoiding the scary eyes.

"I saw a movie..." she mumbled at her bare toes. "Last week. There was a monster called Repo Man chasing a girl and he caught her and he...hurt her." She looked back up at him as she finished, her eyes wide and worried. Nathan took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes and looking down, away from her innocent face. As he took his fingers away, his eyes shifted, focusing on their hands for a second before realizing they were covered in blood, dripping, soaked in red that ran from – _NO_. He jerked his hand from hers, blinking frantically at her small pale arm, perfectly formed and whole. He stood abruptly, backing away from her, suddenly convinced he couldn't touch her, that contact with him would ruin her.

"You shouldn't have watched that movie," he struggled to keep his tone even, to keep from yelling at her. "I've told you what channels you can watch on the TV." She nodded, looking down again in shame. Sighing, he walked in a small circle, trying to collect his thoughts before halting in front of her once more.

"That man wasn't a monster, Shilo. He was doing his job, that's it. It's not a good job, but he has to do it, do you understand? He's nothing you have to worry about – you'll never have to worry about a Repo Man hurting you, I promise." She frowned, looking up at him again. He barely had time to brace himself –

"But he _hurt_ her," she said in a small, insistent voice. "Only bad guys _hurt_ people." He hesitated. He could deal with this during the day, during other nights, any time but right now...not right now.  
"It's bigger than that, Shi, okay? I'll explain another day, let's go back to bed," he tried to gently turn her, lead her towards the stairs, but she refused to budge.

"No, he was _bad_, Daddy. Only the monsters in the stories hurt people...only the monsters _kill_ them," she cried, wondering why he wasn't agreeing with her. In every story...that's how it happened. The monster hurt them, the hero saved them. Killers were _monsters._ Her Daddy knew this, didn't he? ...Didn't he?

"Shilo..."

"He's a _monster, _isn't he, Daddy?"

"Enough, Shilo, it's time for bed!"

"But D-"

"I said _enough!"_ Nathan turned, shouting at her, grabbing her shoulder roughly. She flinched, a whole body spasm, her breath catching in her throat. He had yelled, he never yelled, not at her, not at his princess...She stared at him, her eyes...

Her eyes. Full of terror, full of hurt, full of betrayal. His mind filled with those eyes, they multiplied and took up every square inch inch of space, bored into his soul, and drowned him with their cries. He staggered back from her, pushing away, falling back against the chair.

"Daddy...?" her lip started quivering as those eyes filled with tears, staring straight into him, seeing the monster inside of him. He gasped for breath, looking away as he tried to grasp hold of something to keep him from drowning.

"Go to bed, Shilo. _Go to bed!_" He didn't look up as her bare feet retreated out to the hallway and up the steps. He barely registered the door slam as he moaned, curling into a ball on the floor. He couldn't breathe, could barely think past the pain of a thousand souls as they died, life fleeing from his blades as their eyes stared into him, blank and empty with the terror finally gone.

He didn't know how long he lay crouched there on the floor. When he finally raised himself up, exhausted past emotion, the house was the same as before – empty, dark, and quiet. As he looked around the room in a daze, his eyes were caught by a brown object slumped on the rug by his chair. Nathan slowly walked over and picked up the teddy bear. After staring at it for a moment, his legs mechanically moved towards the stairs. Shilo would want it back; she slept terribly without her favorite stuffed animal.

He hesitated for a brief second before he turned the knob and looked into her room. Dimly he realized he was afraid she'd be awake, that he would have to face her so soon. The room was motionless and silent though. He saw her, a small ball of nightgown in the middle of a pile of plush and fake fur. She was clinging tightly to a worn lion, the second runner-up when the precious teddy was missing.

Nathan quietly made his way over to the bed, wanting to leave the bear for her to wake up to. She should at least have that comfort. He bent to place the bear next to her pillow, then froze again when he saw the dried tear tracks on her cheeks, registered the desperate clutch of her fingers on the lion's body. He'd done this – it was all his fault. He forced his fingers to let go of the teddy and leave it on her pillow. He stumbled from the room, putting all his effort into shutting the door quietly behind him, his heartbeat filling his ears.

He was a monster. From the very first victim, from his precious Marni, he had become a murderer. He was the bad guy, the evil one, the one who hurt. It didn't matter what the reasons were, it didn't matter that it wasn't his choice or his commands. He hadn't passed the laws, but he wielded the weapons. He was, and forever would be, a killer, a murderer. A monster.


End file.
